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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Chapter 84: Cemburu membunuh hati

Ok aku admit aku seorang yang sangat kuat cemburu. Rasa macam dah kena pi wajib p kaunseling. Kalau ikutkan dulu aku tak pun jeles melampau macam ni. Maybe sebab sejarah aku dulu, kawan sendiri balaih bf aku so tu yang melahirkan aku yang sekarang ni. Aku tak caya perempuan yang baik-baik ngan bf aku. Even kawan sendiri. Sorry banyak-banyak ok... Memang aku akan pandang serong teruih. Itu aku ok.... Aku try nak ubah tapi tu lah perlu bantuan jugak... So aku pun research-research aku jumpa artikel ni... 

How to stop jealousy: When your partner isn't helping...

What do you do when your partner isn't making it easy for you to stop being jealous?
What do you do next to stop the jealousy and put this behind you forever?
Let's look at your best case scenario...
A "best case" scenario for healing jealousy is when you and your partner work together to make the changes in your relationship that help each of you feel loved and supported--but what happens when you don't get that support?

What happens when you want to stop feeling your intense, sometimes out-of-control jealous feelings but your partner tells you it's your problem--not his or her's?
What happens when you want to get over jealousy and your partner keeps doing what he or she has been doing that brings up jealousy and refuses to stop doing it?
Your partner may even be saying or doing things that undermine your self-confidence, self-esteem, love and connection and..
How does that make you feel that your partner--the one that you love-- isn't supporting you in ways that would help both of you and the relationship?
Frustrating and upsetting probably wouldn't even begin to describe how you feel inside about this situation.
Recently, a woman wrote to us telling us that her partner wasn't making it easy for her to stop being jealous--and she wanted some advice.
If you are in this kind of situation right now, you certainly know how this woman feels.
We're guessing that you feel very alone, frustrated and don't know where to turn.
You've probably tried to talk with your partner about it but it doesn't seem to do any good; in fact, he or she just gets angry and moves further from you.
As you can guess, there is no easy answer.
It would be nice if your partner made it "easy" for you to trust and not be jealous...but that's just not what's happening.
What's happening is that you are left to deal with this by yourself.
But strange as it sounds, that doesn't have to stop you from healing jealousy--and here's how...
You can find the support you need inside yourself.
Sound impossible?
It doesn't have to be and here's why...
When you're facing a brick wall (your uncooperative partner), no amount of pushing will get you what you want.
You may want your partner to "change," but he or she simply refuses to--and no amount of trying to manipulate and control gives you want you want.
You have to change your tactics and look within you.
If you can relate to any of this, here are some ideas to help you...
1. Make the commitment to yourself to do what it takes to stop jealousy in your life, no matter what others are or are not doing.
You might need to "prove" to your partner by your actions that you are changing for the better.
You might need to become trustable before they give you the support you so want.
We know that sounds backwards but it could be what's going on.
2. Stop generalizing when you talk to your partner about getting his or her support as you learn how to stop your jealousy.
If you say something like--"I want your support to stop jealousy" or even "If you would only support me, I could stop being jealous!"--that's way too general to get you what you want.
It can also some across as accusatory and just create the opposite of what you want.
Instead, ask yourself what support would look like to you in specific situations.
Really get specific and make requests from an open place inside you.
You could use a phrase like "What I'd really like in this situation is_____..."
...and then tell them specifically and exactly what you want from them and how they can best help and support you.
If you find that you sometimes struggle for the "right" words to say in situations like these--"Magic Relationship Words" can help you.
3. If you have known deep inside you that your partner is acting in ways that are destroying your relationship and
you haven't known what to do, it may be time for you to decide whether to stay in this relationship or not.
If you need support with this decision, our "Should you stay or should you
go?" course was created to help you make your best decision possible about whether to stay in or leave your relationship.
While we always suggest that you turn toward your relationship to see what's there, we know that having some support to sort it all out can be helpful.
If you're finding that your partner isn't making it easy for you to stop being jealous, stop focusing on that idea and start focusing on the idea that you can stop jealousy.
You really can--whether you have a cooperative partner or not.

article from http://www.susieandotto.com/

p/s: ok personally aku rasa payah jugak nak ikut instruction ni oleh sebab aku ni seorang aktif dalam relationship bukan seorang yang pasif... Dalam hati ni rasa nak penumbuk ja muka perempuan-perempuan yang macam menggedik/ poyo/ terlebih baik @ peramah ngan bf aku. That's why aku tak banyak kawan perempuan.... Yes cemburu memang membunuh hati....

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